Love isn't something you find. Love is something that finds you. ~Loretta Young
By Macillus, for The TownCrier's Sweetheart's Week 2018.
I feel like the amazing coincidences that brought Cathy and I together were almost the definition of lightning in a bottle ~Oubar
Q |
How long have you been playing? |
@OUBAR Off and on since around 1998? Not sure, exactly, but I started on AOL.
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@BESTAI've been playing for about 18 years. Dan and I met in Gemstone 17 years ago this August.
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Q |
How did you meet? Tell us your story! |
@OUBAR
In August of 2001, I purchased a character on EBay. This was highly frowned upon by other players at the time, but I was more interested in the mechanics of the game than relationships. When I got the email that the character transfer had gone through, I rushed home from work early to log him in. When I did, the very first thing I did was start checking stats and skills, as those things had not been included in the EBay listing. As I was puzzling over the spells, trying to make sense of everything, a character in the room glanced at me and giggled. I was in no way a "roleplay" player. I played GemStone as a first-person shooter more than anything. But I was supposed to be keeping it a secret that I had bought this character, so I awkwardly attempted to interact with this female dark elf. She casually asked if I was cold, and I said something about the weather (this was outside of Icemule). She made some other reference and suddenly I realized. I checked my inventory, and I was stark naked aside from some rat hide leathers. I blushed furiously, in real life as well as in game, and tried to play it off as best I could. She made a couple of biting comments, and I tried to keep up. Eventually she took pity on me and took me into town to get some real clothes. When I discovered that this character also had no money, she paid for said clothes, and we had a pretty great time (at least from my end).
@BESTA
My sorceress was just about the level where she was hunting zombies in Icemule with good success. So, I was resting her by the midden heap outside the farmhouse when Moken (Dan's character) logged on. I glanced at him, and noticed he was naked except for some rat hide leather. I couldn't resist making some comment about how it was a good thing his leathers were so big and warm. He behaved as though he was new to Icemule, and I couldn't resist showing him around. I thought it was tragic that anyone missed out on swimming with penguins or playing with sprites in the tree. I didn't really expect to see him around again. Icemule was MY town, but not many people chose to live there.
Q |
How did you hit it off? What was it that attracted you to him/her? |
@OUBAR
Cathy was (and is) so patient with me. I'm an impulsive, obsessive creature, and she puts up with me with nary a complaint. She's wickedly funny, and the smartest, wisest person I know. This was clear from the very start. Seeing things, both in Elanthia and in real life, through her eyes is an amazing experience. She has a talent for cutting to the very heart of things, explaining complicated feelings, relationships, and emotions in the simple terms that makes the world just make sense. She completes me in ways I never knew I was lacking, and from the beginning we just... 'fit' together. Spending time with her, either in game or in real life, brings me a level and hue of happiness that I've never known before or since.
@BESTA
He was (and is) fun and easy going. He was endlessly patient with my meandering - I wasn't much of a power hunter. We were friends first.
Q |
How has GemStone brought you closer together? |
@OUBAR
Over the years we've both taken breaks from the game due to Real Life cropping up and derailing things, but we've had several iterations of matched sets that have brought us great joy. Every so often we'll start a new pair of characters with some sort of pre-planned dynamic, and we delight in playing that out in-game. We have a pair of forest gnomes who are sickeningly sweet in love. We have our initial sorcerers, who forged their own bond together. And we have our giantmen... Oubar and Besta... who have the most fun dynamic of them all.
@BESTA
Well, I lived in California, and he lived in Virginia. If not for GemStone, we would never have met.
Q |
Does your romance carry into the game? |
@OUBAR
Absolutely it does. Gemstone does such an amazing job of letting you really inhabit your characters, and so of course our real life relations bleed through. Even when we're playing somewhat adversarial characters like Besta and Oubar, we still show our affection 'in the moment', which just makes the overall dynamic of those two characters all the more sweet.
@BESTA
Since we've been together, Dan and I have always played couples in the game. However, when I rolled up Besta I told him he was going to have to "work for it" this time, and it's been a blast. Oubar is awesome at mooning around after Besta, and Besta does her best to pretend she's not interested.
Q |
What's your favorite thing to do in game together? |
@OUBAR
Pretty much anything. I enjoy hunting MUCH more than she does, but we can do that, and we both get into it. We love wandering around merchants and looking at everything on the tables (and buying anything that catches our eye). But we can do just about anything in game and have a blast doing it.
@BESTA
Explore and shop. Dan and I always have fun together, no matter what we're doing. He plays a lot more than I do, and he's a lot more interested in game mechanics and hunting than I am, but he's still this unfailingly patient guy who will humor my wanderings anytime I'm willing to play with him.
Q |
How do you enjoy time together outside of Elanthia? |
@OUBAR
I'm truly blessed, because if I had to pick the thing I love doing most with Cathy, it's "share air". Being close to her, no matter what we're both doing, is such a treat, and I love just having her nearby. I frequently tell her she makes everything better, and that's just because it's the truth.
@BESTA
Well, we're really busy! Work, school, homeschooling our two young sons, family-stuff, and adulting take up a lot more time than you might expect. We'd always rather be together than apart, so we spend as much time just breathing each other's air as possible. We're both readers, and one of my favorite things is to snuggle together and read once the house has quieted down at night.
Something about us just fits, and as far as I can tell it's the only real life magic that exists. ~Besta
Q |
How do you compliment one another? |
@OUBAR
Cathy is the smartest person I've ever met. She's taught me so much about myself, about feelings and emotions, and about life in general. She's my rock, the person I lean on when I'm feeling overwhelmed. She's an amazing listener, always happy to listen to my obsessive ramblings, and then she'll give the best possible advice. I couldn't imagine my life without her in it. She makes me a better person, every single day.
@BESTA
As far as the game goes? Well, I'd have to say that he's a life-saver to me there. He plays so much more than I do, that he helps me with all the technical stuff that I can never seem to remember. He's great about helping me with lich and all that kind of stuff. The fantasy-aspect, role-play, and story lines within GemStone holds the most appeal to me, and the rest is just stuff I have to deal with to play the game. Over the years, I think I've helped Dan learn to enjoy the things I find most fun about Elanthia, and he's helped me to manage the things I have to deal with in order to immerse myself in the idea of Elanthia.
Q |
What's the key to a set of successful characters (on and off screen)? |
@OUBAR
I would say planning. Figure out ahead of time, out of the game, what your dynamic is going to be. What do you both want out of it? What do you NOT want out of it? Make it interesting, make it real, and figure out the REASONS why your characters will interact the way they will.
@BESTA
I have no idea. Something about us just fits, and as far as I can tell it's the only real life magic that exists. I can no more explain that kind of magic than I can explain how lich works.
Q |
What advice do you have for anyone interested in pursuing a GS romance? |
@OUBAR
This is a rough one, for a couple of reasons. For one, I've seen GS romances fail, and I feel like the amazing coincidences that brought Cathy and I together were almost the definition of lightning in a bottle. This makes me ill-suited to offer any advice to anyone hoping to walk our path. If I had to pick something, though, I'd make it the same advice I offer people pursuing real life romances. Be honest. Be honest with yourself first. Admit who you are, and what you are. Take a good long look at yourself and admit your shortcomings, identify your strengths and weaknesses, and realize that that's who you are. Then be honest with the other person about those things. Don't hide the pieces of yourself that you're ashamed of, because those pieces are still YOU, and they'll come out at some point. If your prospective mate hasn't seen or heard about them before then, you're going to have a rough time. Honesty is the key to any relationship, GS or otherwise.
@BESTA
I don't. I wasn't looking for romance. I was looking for fun and adventure, and I found a friend. I guess I'd just say to have fun - and good luck.
Q |
Do you have any plans for Valentine's Day? |
@OUBAR |
@BESTA |
I may have a little something planned, but we generally don't make a huge deal out of it. We do a pretty good job of making sure we know how much each of us loves the other on a daily basis.
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I don't think so. We haven't discussed it. Did I mention we're really busy? We're not big Valentine's Day celebrators. We like to be romantic as often as time allows, and having one day set aside for it seems like a poor alternative to that.
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